ETA: New layout! Same Me!
- 01:28:19: QOTD by Hubby, "I've always loved @brentspiner, and thought no one could play Data better, but you know who's great?The guy who plays Lore."
- 01:32:10: It's 12:30am. My husband is re-aquascaping. There are pieces of plants all over my bed and our room smells like a pond.
- 01:47:29: The only decision left to make regarding Thanksgiving day is what to have for dessert.
- 01:52:52: The Grape is demonstrating that he can hear react to outside noises by responding to my iTunes playlist with "Soultrain, the womb version"
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I was woken at 4:30 by Moo screaming in terror because he was bitten by a mosquito and clearly the only protection from mosquitoes exists in Mommy's bed. Also, the best way to keep the mosquitoes out of Mommy's bed, obviously, is to thrash around and sigh until you fall asleep 40 minutes after Mommy transplants you to her bed.
The remedy for all of this was for Moo (and Mommy) to sleep until 8:45am. We were still on time for school, I'm just that kind of rock star. In order for me to achieve that, I had to go out without make-up. I apologize to anyone I ran in to and thus frightened this morning.
After I completed my errands for the morning, I came home and attempted to nap, but to no avail. So, now I feel like I should be walking around with my arms out, moaning, and bolts sticking out of my neck. MRAAAAAAAH!
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*Hubby's new, no-iron dress shirts should be arriving at his office any minute now. I want to dance with glee. Especially since I got five of them for under $100.
*About 3:30 this morning Moo woke up all cranky and clingy and came into the big bed. This morning when he woke up, he just snuggled up with me and gave me nosey-rubs and made all these contented-purring-noises. DELICIOUS. Then he was all, "I'm hungry, let's get up." Sshhh, no you're not.
There are rules for Staycation. There is no cooking and no cleaning on Staycation. That means Take-out turkey (the way I make turkey, believe me, this is for the best), so I have to figure out whose is best, Fischer Brothers, Kosher Marketplace or Supersol. It also means trying to coordinate our activities to be near yummy kosher food...There is a big, pregnant part of me that wants to make our Staycation activity to go to Flatbush and eat.
*I have FINALLY gotten my husband into reading The Saga of the Seven Suns by Kevin J. Anderson. Nevermind that in the time it has taken Hubby to read 60 pages of the first book, I read the entire last book of that series and the third in Temeraire.
*Despite the season and weather, I am wearing an elastic waist-lined, summer skirt...with long johns under it. I totally don't care.
*Moo has been so into shlepping Woody around lately that the other day, I sewed him a Mini-Mei-Tai. Guess who now takes Woody everywhere in his special "Woody backpack"? It felt SO GOOD to sew. I have found that being creative and productive has been so good for me while I'm in this Yahrtzeit funk. I started Scrapbooking May's Disney trip and I am really loving it...and making some very nice pages.
*This morning was 12 kinds of insane. First, the positive: Hubbs and I woke up to his alarm clock not the thump thump thump of little feet on the stairs and then "I want trokyit miwk! Mommy come down here!"
So our first priority this morning was to make sure Moo was still breathing. He was.
Anyway, he woke up at 8:10...soaked. And dirty. (I hope his stomach is ok, he hasn't pooped in his sleep since he was reeeeeeally tiny.) At this point I was still not dressed at all because Hubbs had gotten right up and usurped the bathroom, so I used that time to put together breakfast-to-go for the grown ups and set out breakfast stuff for Moo. But I couldn't very well leave Moo swimming in his own waste until the babysitter came, even if I did have to leave in 5 minutes. So, I cleanded Moo up, at which point the babysitter arrived, so I turned Moo over to him while I got ready. I went to grab hubby's hot chocolate for him after I got dressed and the bottom of his cup stuck to the towel it and my hot chocolate were resting on, throwing my (thankfully plastic) mug to the floor. Blueberry thought this was awesome. I did not.
- Mood:
loved
In case you haven't gathered, I'm pretty depressed. But you know what? That is 100% OK. This is a really rough time and I need to feel it and go with it. I don't need to have it solved or be distracted from it. So, I'll thank you to roll with me the next few weeks as I identify my needs and feel my, well, feelings. So let's do this. Let's do depression.
Part of this is a stay-in-bed-forever-waiting-to-disappear feeling...though a lot of it is an I-need-to-do-and-make-and-be-home-home-H
One thing at a time. I want to buy a ton of stuff for Chanukah this year. I know it's not the Chasidish thing to do...and I don't particularly care. I have a couple ideas for my husband, I don't know if he will really be thrilled with either of them. I also want to do a lot of stuff in Moo's room and would like to use Chanukah to make those purchases because of the MASSIVE influx of toys he got on our Florida trip, which, I am certain will be rivaled, if not dwarfed by his Chanukah haul, he is an only living grandchild on TWO sides, afterall. SO! I don't really want to buy a ton of toys. I want to paint his room and get him a bookshelf and do some reorganizing. Some of this would probably seem really lame as a present. "Happy Chanukah! You got drawer organizers! Hey....look what Saba and Safta got you! It makes noise!" I would love for Moo's room to look something like this, (Yes, I know this is a bathroom, I still LOVE the color and decoration scheme.) though I will have to find a way to girl it up when, IYH he has another sister.
I think I have decided on a die cut machine. The Quickutz Silhouette seems to do everything I want it to...except embossing, but I think I can live without that to be able to DL everything I want to cut and print fonts from my computer...once I have that in hand, I want to get to paper crafting like WOAH.
In the mean time, I have organized all of the stuff we took home from Disney in May, printed out some pictures, bought page protectors and a scrapbox and I have a scrapbooking kit, so I can start on that project. The only minor hurdle is that my kit is a 12x12 and I have only worked on 8.5x11, so I this will be a new challenge. I also have to figure out how to do the cover. I like to make my own covers and since I have always worked on 8.5x11, this has never been an issue, but the only 12x12 albums I can find are expensive, thus making me feel guilty for covering them in fabric and whathaveyou, or leather, making them not very conducive to covering.
I want to cook. I really love cooking and I'm good at it. I want to make flavorful, exotic food, the strange inspiration from this came from reading the third book in the Temeraire series, which mentions at length and in detail the foods that Temeraire's cook (yes, this dragon has a chef) makes for him. I wonder if I could modify something like this for chicken breast...not in an actual tajine and with plain old not wild artichokes. Also, I don't know how to strip a raw artichoke, I always steam them and eat them like a slob.
Since I have basically picked the paint colors for the main rooms in my head, I need to figure something out for the kitchen and transitional spaces. I still want some color, but not something huge. Maybe a very pale blue or lilac and perhaps I could use the stenciling I want to do in the master bedroom to tie it all together.
The Grape continues to be the busiest of my babies, so far and I imagine he's bouncing around in there, lamenting that he can't invite all his friends over for loud parties.
ETA: He does NOT do this at home, so I'm limited in my appropriate responses. I am going to try the cards pinned to his shirt and coming up with a mantra the shadow techer can use with him because I think the main thing here is immediate response/intervention, at least for the time being.
Thank you all SO MUCH for the input, I have read your responses and will be re-reading and responding as I come up with a more concrete plan.
I just posted this to P102. And now I want your input.
"So, Moo has been having some problems in preschool and we (teachers, educational directors, and his parents) have decided to go ahead and get him evaluated for services. Most likely he will end up with a SEIT in the classroom and possibly OT. The main problem is that he seems to be getting overwhelmed and then frustrated and instead of dealing with situations like wanting toys or wanting to be standing in a certain spot in a productive, socially capable manner...he bites or pushes. The school is currently dealing with this by putting a floating teacher, meaning, extra staff, whoever's available, in the classroom with him to intervene when it looks like he's getting frustrated. The problem is that this is a teacher in training, not someone who can help give Moo the tools to make the connection between desire and proper behavior to get what he wants. Basically she just prevents him from biting the other kids.
I've called about 5 agencies to try to get him in for an evaluation and start services ASAP, but most agencies have a delay of at least 6 weeks right now...that's before we can even get him evaluted, much less get someone in the classroom and start making progress.
We've gotten him repeating, "We don't bite we use our words," like a mantra, but it doesn't seem to be helping much when it comes to him being in the situation.
What I want to know is if there is anything we can do between now and when services start to help him. When he wants something, he just kind of forgets protocol and loses the connection - what can we do to help strengthen that connection? Anything? Or do I just have to wait for the professionals to take over?"
I really want a die cut machine. The problem is that I have NO IDEA which one, what differences between all of them are, or how to compare. The Cricut seems like the most popular, but it is SUCH a huge investment.
I also want an ice cream machine.
I am kind of starting to want a bagel and a cup of coffee.
I want a new waffle iron.
I want a new food processor.
Oooh, maybe a bread machine? Not that I have anywhere to put all of these new kitchen appliances that I want.
I really want to paint my house. Desperately. I want to paint the livingroom gold; shimmery, metallic gold. There isn't a whole lot of exposed wall in this room, so I could totally get away with it. I want to paint Moo's room blue, like Andy's room in Toy Story, maybe with clouds and/or stars, we'll see. I think the master bedroom will be sage with lavender detailing. I need a color for the transition spaces, like the hallways. Our current paint is some kind of junky matte that gets stained and dirty just by being looked at and my walls are gross. I want a bright, happy, colorful house.
I want a nice, long cardigan knitted out of
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mistresstrixe 's Shiny yarn. With sparkly silver buttons.*Speaking of celebrities, I see Diane Wiest at least once a week. She was ogling Moo at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago. Everybody ogles Moo at the grocery store, though.
*Speaking of Moo, I am starting the process to get him evaluated and get a Seit in the classroom with him. The problems he was having at the beginning of the year have had some improvement, but with observation, the school director and school psych are starting to realize what the route cause and solution seems to be. He's having some trouble with sensory overload and losing focus. I'm not talking about oh, a tweeting bird is making it hard for him to do calculus, but too many stimuli at once are causing him to forget social rules and do things like try to bite. Well, try to bite, they've put a floating teacher in the classroom to shadow him and keep him from following through. The problem is that they can only put in whoever is available, not someone well acquainted with him, his personality or our goals with him, and they can only intervene when the situation arises, instead of guide him through it. And after it happens, he knows he's behaved inappropriately, but there's a disconnect somewhere preventing him from accessing the proper behavior for the situation. So, the goal of the eval, therapy and maybe even OT would be to help him sort out all the sensory input and react appropriately. I am SO GLAD we are realizing the glitches and fixing them now before it turns into serious social problems later and he turns into a kid with no social skills...kind of like I was.
*I just ordered Hubby five new, no-iron (HURRAAAAAYYYYY!!!) dress shirts from Lands End.com's overstocks. For $89.95. I even got a free shipping code (evergreen, PIN 2425. I got this by first googling for codes, finding no valid ones, then I just went to their online chat help section and asked for a free shipping code). I feel like a shopping rock star. I also kind of feel like I deserve to buy myself something delicious with the $10.05 remaining from my shopping budget.
*I've really been chalishing a pedicure lately. The bottoms of my feet kind of remind me of the rough part of velcro.
*I brought myself instant coffee to make with the hot water dispenser at work. I also brought milk to put in my coffee. The problem is that the only dairy containers with lids that I have are breastmilk containers. I am really glad I don't work in a busy office full of strangers.
*The Grape is already very comfortably head down and sitting mostly anterior. I know I've got 14.5 weeks to go, IYH, but would it be so much to ask for him to stay that way?
*Since we did see BOTH sets of Moo's grandparents while we were in Florida, he got A LOT of toys. Since we were flying home with limited time for me to get to work after landing, however, we did not check any baggage for the flight back. Last night, a box arrived full of all the toys that could not fit on the plane with us. Moo spent about 10 minutes taking every item (and I mean EVERY item, at one point, he said, "Ooh, look, a pull-up!) that we left at my In Law's house out of the box and getting excited over it. He has since spent about 2.5 hours in the box. The only way I could get him to eat anything for breakfast this morning was by putting yogurt in a sippy cup and giving it to him in the box.
*One of the toys Moo brought home with him was an original Buzz Lightyear, just like the one in the movie from when Toy Story came out in 1995. He has been OBSESSED with it, and the big Woody my MIL bought him in Disney. Monday, we were getting on the subway, I was holding Moo in one hand and Buzz in the other and I tripped (this was in the 96th street station, tripping is VERY easy to do there), in order to catch myself, and Moo, I dropped Buzz onto the train. I still ended up banging my head. As I recovered, the train door closed and the train drove off with Buzz. I went running for a station agent, but found none, only a police officer. I told the cop my story, he took out his pad and pen and wrote down the details, letting me go on and even asking me questions. Then he yelled at me for wasting his time over a toy and told me he would get in trouble if he tried to do anything about it. I asked if he could direct me to someone who could help me as I had once left a bag of coffee beans on the train and had it returned to me in about 20 minutes, so I knew such things were possible. He once again told me that he could be of no help as this was not a misdemeanor or felony. I said, " OK, but who CAN help me??" There was another station agent on the other side of the platform. Indeed there was. He let me tell my story once again taking notes. And then informed me that his phone didn't work so he could be of no help. By now, Buzz is at South Ferry. Finally, we go back to our home station and talk to the agent, who is helpful, called some people, couldn't find Buzz, but gave me the number of lost and found and wished me luck. Tuesday I tried calling L&F. They were busy. ALL DAY. Yesterday, I went there. They were closed. Now? Busy again. Guess where Moo and I are going after school!
"I'm...there are so many levels of how I am right now. On the one hand, things are dreamy because I have this amazing little boy who is all of a sudden learning so much in school and saying these incredible things and demonstrating such strength of character. And I have this amazing husband and we live in Manhattan where it's fun and exciting and beautiful. My job is more than I could have hoped for in a profession and I still get to be a housewife during the day. And I'm pregnant and everyone is healthy, Kinehura and so overall, big picture-wise, I'm great, I suppose.
But then, my daughter's first Yahrtzeit is coming up in about a month, so all of these things are spinning merrily under that dark cloud. On the whole, I'm a pretty upbeat and positive person, but I'm definately more mopey and distracted nowadays than usual."
Shiny's impending Yahrtzeit is really weighing heavily on me and dragging my mood down. I know for the last (almost) year, I haven't been as chipper as I once was, but it's much worse lately. I'm very easily upset, I'm tired and distracted. I feel like I've been hit with mommy-cryptonite and I have no idea what to do with Moo. I used to be so chatty and now I've become such a New Yorker on the bus. I don't want to talk to anyone. Actually, I feel like I would be very happy to be left alone for a few days, but I might as well say, "I would be very happy to have a pet elephant," because both are equal in possibility.
I'm dwelling on every little annoying or upsetting thing and of course, in the last 24 hours, every small creature in my house has pooped on the floor. First Moo, then the cat and then the dog.
How about I just go back to bed until my stunt double gets here?
*Some time over the last few days, I think I have become "full-blown" pregnant. When we came down to Florida, even when we came back, I only felt a kinda pregnant. Now I feel massive! It's uncomfortable to sit, I can see the Grape moving, I can tell what's a hand and what's a foot...and let me tell you, this is the busiest of my babies. I'm kind of expecting him to come out with blueprints and plans and little models of stuff he's been building in there.
*I think I want a piece of jewelry with all my kids' names on it. Maybe something like this? Not sure. I'm having a lot of fun looking at Etsy, though. I guess I would need big tags since we give long names. If anyone has any pointers on navigating Etsy and finding what I want, I'd appreciate it.
*I made myself dumplings for lunch and they all stuck together. I have clumplings.
*I have switched cleansers from Angels on Bare Skin to Herbalism in the hopes of warding of the crazy pregnancy face explosion I have been experiencing. I've also added a moisturizer, Vanishing Cream. Hubbs, who of course has flawless skin and whose face never grows anything but a beard, asked me why I can't just use soap.
*My sheitel color is all wrong. The dye the colorist used last time was warm and has really reddened and I am not a red head. I know nothing about hair coloring, so I don't even know where to start when it comes to figuring out what color I should be wearing. Honestly, I don't know a whole lot about sheitels, either, so I'm not sure I would know when it's time to replace this, anyway.
*I am having such sweet cravings lately, I guess the Grape needs calories to finish all those projects he has going on in there.
*My not so amazing time at Disney last week has me really excited for next year and starting to plan for a trip that is probably a year away.
*Did I mention that Moo has a new babysitter? Not the one who concluded the crazed-sitter-search. After we decided to go with her, I noticed Moo was having a great time with one of the Juliard students at shul. So I asked M, the student, if he was interested in babysitting (I figured it would be better to go with someone Moo knows). Not only was M interested, but he is also Red Cross certified and has two little brothers, so he's really well suited for the job. I have overheard Moo and M playing a few times and I can't really tell who's having more fun.*Now that Tax season is over, Hubbs is home at a decent time and can relieve M in time for dinner. The excitement of having Tatty home for dinner, plus a new babysitter *and* has yielded a bit of an upheaval for Moo. Thankfully, there aren't any super difficult challenges to tackle, just some potty regression and not wanting to sleep in his own room. The potty thing is really a great big 10 on the "Whatever," scale. The sleep thing isn't a big deal either. Most importantly, he is still going to sleep relatively on time, he just doesn't want to be alone and I can understand that. I think it started out as just being SO EXCITED to see his Tatty that he didn't want to be apart from him and then the instability of being in Florida probably gave him the nudge to needing the security of cosleeping. I'm happy that he can recognize what he needs for comfort and ask for it.
I got back in the shower and washed it off, only succeeding in downgraing the sensation to the physical manifestation of uneasiness. My legs feel like they're having an anxiety attack.
DO NOT WANT.
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